Monday, March 31, 2008

Boss Nigger

I just didn't know, that's all. Cinema was really like this in the 70s? A former NFL star could actually star and produce a movie called Boss Nigger? F it I guess, I'll giggle, sure. By the way, directed by a white dude. What I offer below is the nice long trailer complete with toe tappin' theme song. The second lil' tid bit is the dramatic final scene. And this ain't pronounced nigga like as in "you're my nigga" or Niggaz With Attitude. This is nigger in its full blown original incarnation. In a nice western cowboy setting of course.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

A Lil' Calendar For That Ass

Thursday April 3

Skull Kontrol @ Live Wire in San Diego. DJs Mario Orduno and Brandon Welchez. EPMD, BBD, S.O.A, M.I.A., and more.

Saturday April 12

Fantastic Magic, 60 Watt Kid and djs Mario Orduno, Brandon Welchez, Sir Charles @ The Tower bar in San Diego. $5, 21 +.

Thursday April 17

Skull Kontrol 2 Year Anniversary Party. Celebrating two god forsaken years of cleaning ears. Come have beer and confetti thrown at your face. @ Live Wire in San Diego, free, 21+

Saturday April 19

The Muslims and Pre from the U.K. at The Tower Bar in San Diego. Djs Mario Orduno, Sir Charles and Brandon Welchez. $5, 21+

Monday May 12

The Muslims, The Carrots and Fantastic Magic
DJs Mario Orduno, Sir Charles and Brandon Welchez @ The Casbah in San Diego. $8, 21+

Thursday May 15

Skull Kontrol San Francisco @ The Knockout

The Muslims, The Carrots, djs Mario Orduno and Brandon Welchez. Dancing / Records / Fun. $5, 21 +

Friday, March 28, 2008

The Poet AMG And A Sampling Of His Works

Have you guys ever read the works of the poet AMG of the Los Angeles area? Oh dear did he have a way with the pen and paper. His knack for being sexually frank was his forte. And his tolerance for women of all walks of life and race was to be commended. I am moved by him and so I thought I'd share a passage from his literary masterpiece, "Bitch Betta Have My Money". Enjoy.

ain't nothin like black pussy on my dick
Word to the motherfuckin DJ Quik
I play hoes like dominoes, slappin bones
AMG's on the motherfuckin microphone
I slang dick bitch, nuttin more and nuttin less
You got a C-note hoe? You can take the test
And bring big fat titties and lots of back
You got the woody, and I got the axe
I'm no joke when I stroke for a client
Bitches need dick, so they buyin it
G with the high top fade
Open up ya coach bag; bitch, so I can get paid
And take off your G-string drawers
Bitch eat your Wheaties, cause I don't pause
What are you laughing at? Ain't a damn thing funny
(Bitch betta have my money!)"

AMG, comin like a motherfuckin nut
Hoes with the big butts, I bust big guts
Pussy, sit it on my dick and I'll be fuckin it
Always there's a smile on my face cause I be lovin it
I do damage to a red-bone
A light skinned freak, for gettin my bed on
And I play these hoes like a trumpet
Bend 'em up and bump it, but see I'm leavin ya
Cause that's how the game goes
Off comes your clothes, I'll pull out the rubber hose
And stick it in your mouth it's kinda funny
(Life ain't nothin but bitches and money)"

"Crack kills, but not this kind
I try to get ahead when I get behind
I wish I was a pair of panties full grown
So when you put 'em on, I could be home sweet home
And if you got a weave it don't matter
Dump the chitter-chatter, I wanna get it on
You know like give a dog a bone and I'm the K-9
A big black Rin-Tin-Tin with a grin
So let me get a sip of this Nighttrain
So we can do the right thang
And be just like Redhead, 'Pump it Hottie'
But let me feel your body (WHY?) for the jiggable pie"

The Muslims / Night Marchers Tour Dates Announced

Here you go, sparky.

Apr 25 2008

Apr 26 2008 8:00P
CASBAH San DIego, California

Apr 28 2008 8:00P
BOTTOM OF THE HILL San Francisco, California

Apr 29 2008 8:00P

Apr 30 2008 8:00P
CHOP SUEY Seattle, Washington

May 2 2008 8:00P
LARIMER LOUNGE Denver, Colorado

May 3 2008 8:00P
WAITING ROOM Omaha, Nebraska

May 4 2008 8:00P
SCHUBAS Chicago, Illinois

May 5 2008
MAGIC STICK Detroit, Michigan

NO KONTROL / Kill Me Tomorrow , Mika Miko LIVE

Guess what sucker. I'm puttiing on the most important deal tomorrow night. I don't say that often (pronounced OFFEN), so cut me some slacks. Plural. Anyway, my dance club thing, NO KONTROL is tomorrow at the one and only Whistle Stop in San Diego, California. KIll Me Tomorrow and Mika Miko are playng live and direct. Two of Southern California's BEST underground bands. Los Angeles' Andrew Miller will be djing with me. Big Orduno. Dance floor anarchy. Nothing will be taken seriously I promise. Chupa mi pito if you can't make it.


Punk / Dancing / Records / Fun

Kill Me Tomorrow LIVE
Mika Miko LIVE

DjS Andrew Miller + Mario OrduNO

$5 @ The Whistle Stop in San Diego, California...TOMORROW, March 29.

Heart Worm Press 20

Hey guess what. Wes Eisold's Heart Worm Press just released it's twentieth book. You should buy it and read it fuckface. Toodles, you motherfucking two balled bitch. xo

Being A Man / MacBook Vs. PC

What's up. Haven't seen you in a while. It's cuz my 2300 dollar pc broke. Guess what. I got the new MacBook. I saved my shekels and said fuck it it. My old barbaric Fred Flintstone pc is dead. I'll miss the over heating hum and it's monstrous weight, sure, but now I can surf the internets and be a man.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Bush's War On PBS Tonight

I'm pretty excited to give Keyshia Cole and the Wu Gambinos a break tonight to watch the PBS documentary "Frontline: Bush's War". It's a critical look at the Iraq War with interviews with some of it's earliest detractors such as Gen. Colin Powell and CIA director George Tenet. It's on at 9:00 and runs till 11:30. Don't be an idiot. Part two is tomorrow, and don't be an idiot then either.

Here's a tantalizing lil' quote for you.

On the night of September 11th, Donald Rumsfeld said, "Part of our response maybe should be attacking Iraq. It's an opportunity."

Can you imagine these guys? Chinga tu madre Donald Rumsfeld, chinga tu madre. Preview below.

Keyshia Cole Is Perfect

So after I spent some time peepin' Wu vids, I nestled up on ye olde couch and watched about two hours of Keyshia Cole's reality show on BET. It's centers on Keyshia and her busted sister. Keyshia's all fly and super hot and her sis gets to go to the clinic in my favorite epsisode. Woops she didn't have any std's but she was 6 weeks pregnant. But I digress.

The main point here is that Keyshia Cole is perfect. Ridiculously perfect. I would kill to span time with her. And this song, "Last Night" that she does with Puff Daddy aka Diddy aka Sean "Puffy" Combs aka Sean John aka P.Diddy aka Puff is super good. I don't give a FUCK that it's homeboy's song. If you don't like it you can go to hell.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Ghostface And RZA's Weepy Rap

While every other A hole is searching for colored eggs and meeting up with family, I've been searching Wu-Tang videos on the youtubes. Looking for something I might have missed or forgot about. I DID forget about this gem. Musically I don't think all a y'all will agree, but what I like about it the most is that (1), Ghostface and RZA almost cry their verses, and (2) their bedrooms make them look like the seven dwarfs or some shit. Matching sheets, all cute. Anyways.

I Can't Go To Sleep (featuring Isaac Hayes) From "The W" 2000

Thursday, March 20, 2008

And if you forgot...

The Damned are the best band you've cared least about. Smarter than you, and at the same time cooler and all around better than you. You couldn't write a song to save your life; they did it like it was a joke.

Proof enough, cocksucker?

You are stupid.

Hey, remember being fourteen and completely overtaken with zits and being the most awkward thing ever? Guess what, you still look that stupid. ( I look even stupider ).

Monday, March 17, 2008

Skull Kontrol At Live Wire This Thursday, Holmes

'Sup. Skull Kontrol is this week holmes. Big Thursday, sure. Count on the usual nonsense. The constant shenanigans. The incessant mockery of the patrons.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Wake

The Wake. 1981-1995. Glasgow, Scotland. Formed by Alexa Caesar, formerly of Altered Images. Bass played by Bobby Gillespie, who went on to play drums in Jesus & Mary Chain and recorded Psychocandy, and sings in Primal Scream. Discovered by Rob Gretton who managed Joy Division/ New Order. Signed by Factory. Toured with early edition of New Order. Horribly ignored. Chastised for their Factory pedigree and similar sound to their more famous label mates.

Kicked poor Bobby Gillespie out. The poor thing had to join JAMC. JAMC felt threatened by his devotion to Primal Scream, so poor Bob G had to pick between two of the most influential bands of the 80s to be in. Bless his heart.

Anyway, The Wake. Horribly ignored.

The Drill LIVE

Pale Spectre off of the e.p. "Something That No One Else Could Bring", Fac 178

The Wake Myspace Profile

What Happened

So part of the reason I was up at all hours writing dumb blogs was that I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep because I was going to the swap meet this morning and I was way excited. I wanted to buy massive amounts records and cassettes. Maybe an old Sony Walkman. Fuck it, maybe a pin. A BUST. What the hell? What happened? I saw three stacks of records all day and a booth with some supposed big shot with "high end" vinyl. He had 40 dollars on a Help reissue. Fuck you and fuck that holmes. I found one stack of cassettes with a water logged (What's The Story) Morning Glory, Jerky Boys 3 and Nas' It Was Written. It Was Written had 2.99 on it. I offered a dollar and took it. Oh, I forgot, an EPMD cassingle. Whatever. That's it. Clothes? No. My most lucky find was a bag of peanuts for 2 bucks. Unsalted.

That was my first time since 2004. I guess I'll try again in 2012.

My Big Friday Part Deux

It's all jokes over here at Casa Orduno. This is shocking how bad it is. I mean I love Ice-T and all but fuck. Law & Order? Sure. Watch it every week, multiple times a week. I got Power, Rhyme Pays, 99 Problems...all on vinyl. God damn, Ice, you had to do a power ballad?

Great set of pipes on this guy, right? Sorry for wasting your time.

Friday, March 14, 2008

David Bowie Vs. The Merseys

This song fuckin' rules. I wonder which version you f-ers like better.


Neither one of these f-ers wrote it anyway. It was The McCoys that wrote it. Of "Hang On Sloopy" fame. (BTW, I had to text Brandon today to get all the fun facts so S his D when you see him.)

Getting Back Into The Swing Of Things

I haven't written anything on here in a while. So to get the ol' juices flowing I'm going to write a calendar of events. Here you go lil' doggies.

TUESDAY March 18.

OUT OF VOGUE @ Starlite. It's my new weekly night with Brandon Welchez. Every Tuesday night. This place is super cool, just in case you haven't been there. The music is pretty random, but here's some idea what you're in for. You can count on un poquito de french pop, 60s, 80s American indie underground, post punk, Creation Records, Rough Trade Records, C86 and more. It's free and the god damned kitchen stays open till 12. Alcohol and music goes till 2am.

THURSDAY March 20.

Skull Kontrol @ Live Wire. Blah Blah Blah. Our namesake club. Our favorite. Our most beloved. If you don't know, now you know. Out of step since 2006. Free. Fun. And always packed to the max. "Max cap" as we like to say in the business. DJs Mario Orduno and Sir Charles.

Tuesday March 25.

OUT OF VOGUE @ Starlite. See above for full story!!

Saturday March 29

NO KONTROL @ Whistle Stop. Punk / Dancing / Records / Fun. Kill Me Tomorrow LIVE!!, Mika Miko LIVE!! DJs Andrew Miller and Mario Orduno provide all the dancefloor anarchy. Come early!! $5.

That's it for now. That should wrap up March. Look forward to some fun crap in April including our bananas Skull Kontrol TWO Year Anniversary. See ya.

Monday, March 10, 2008

I Hate Guitars.

Not really, but I do hate guitar players, ESPECIALLY if they're good. This could be a knee-jerk reaction to that fact that I personally suck at guitar, but I can't be alone here. Don't you hate the sight of some cocksucker wincing on stage, as if "shredding" or "ripping" or whatever is painful? And don't tell me that stupid look these bozos get on their faces has something to do with "feeling it" or "their art" or whatever. There's nothing artistic about shredding. It's guitar-athletics. It's basically being Bo Jackson, only with your fingers. These fucking guys.

Well, this cat in Finland must feel the same way I do cuz he made these totally redonks videos completely mocking these guitar playing assholes. Basically he cuts out the sound and then overdubs his own jokey guitar playing (and drums and vocals). Take a peek:

Evidently the guy who does this is pretty well known, he was even on Jimmy Kimmel "shredding" live to a video of Slash, (who was also a guest - and didn't look look like he thought it was funny), but I never knew cuz I don't have a TV and my head's in my ass.


So some fool wrote me today wishing me a Happy Mario Day. Can you imagine? I guess cuz the postal stamper today reads MAR10. These f'n guys.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Here's some More Crap About A New Night, Out Of Vogue

Flier. Sure, sure. Fucking nice work right? Expect like a bunch o' good tunes.

Myspace. Everyone's got one right? Add that for reminders and any new 411.
Or we might even have to send some 911/411. Super urgent big news.

Oh, fuck ME man, I almost forgot. This is for San Diegans. From San Diego. Starlite in S-A-N D-I-E-G-O. Or at least Southern Californians. Or very frequent visitors.

San Diego, Add Out Of Vogue On Myspace

Saturday, March 8, 2008

New Band Thin Man Announce Debut And April Residency @ San Diego's Tower Bar

Hey man, new band alert time. Dan Wise, guitarist in Kill Me Tomorrow has a new band in which he is both singer and primary songwriter. Thin Man. The band is also comprised of other San Diego musicians Chris Grundy, John Matttos and James Goldbach. They have recordings up on their Myspace so I won't bother telling you what I think or what they sound like. There's an original and a cover. You can see these fucks 5 times in April at The Tower Bar in San Diego. They'll be residents for all Wednesdays in April playing with a bunch of friends bands and djs. The schedule is posted below for you, you little lovable reader.






So there you go. Now go check this link:

Thin Man's Myspace profile

Friday, March 7, 2008

That's My Quarterback

So when one of these bigtime athletes retires from their given game, I always get excited to see a grown man cry on television. I mean I really enjoy watching this crap. So when this Brett Favre guy announced last week that he was retiring, I was ecstatic. He didn't let me down, sobbing like one of these god damned toddlers. My favorite is when they exhale really hard and try and compose themselves. Haha. These guys. Anyway, in my pursuit to find more, I stumbled upon this gem below. I was shaking from laughter and I think I watched it 5 times. It's not even a retirement either! This guy lost or something. Or like his quarterback is catching flack? Bless his heart.

Oh, and by the way, if you know of ANY sobbing adults in the sports world, clue me in. They're so rare on Youtube.

Mika Miko, Kill Me Tomorrow LIVE In San Diego, 3/29

Our favorite punk band is coming back to town. Mika Miko. They'll be playing at my worldwide unknown dance club called No Kontrol @ The Whistle Stop. Kill Me Tomorrow are going to share the stage as well. Andrew Miller and I are going to lull your dancing shoes to sleep. Start saving your shekels cuz it costs 5, count 'em, FIVE dollars.

Here's a Mika Miko video for their fucking Business Cats song. From 2007, man.

Montel Williams Is A Complete Badass.

Was this a big deal when it happened? The reason I ask is because I don't have a TV, cock sucker. Get off my back. (And no, I don't mean that in a "white guy-with-dreadlocks-kill-your-television" way either.)

Monday, March 3, 2008

Records + Fun + Bad Fliers = Skull Kontrol This Thursday

This ol' night again. Brilliant flier work, eh? The nice scotch tape showing. The cuts in the paper all visible, the uneven placement. Not only is it not well put together, it's not even very creative. In fact, my little piece of shit, both images came from this months Mojo Magazine. How fucking lazy am I? Yeah, yeah that's a young Ian McCulloch looking at records in his living room. In the background? The Ronettes. The relevence? Absolutely none, A hole. But it doesn't matter. This night will still be bonkers/bananas. You want to know why? Go and find out my little baby dog.

A New Night In San Diego, OUT OF VOGUE @ Starlite

'Ello. It took me far too long to check out this new place in San Diego called Starlite. It's really cool. It's unlike any bar/restaurant I've been to, not only in San Diego, but anywhere. I usually like "dives", and am easily turned off by a fake fanciness of a new bar, but Starlite is designed and decorated so nice without being cheesy. I most definitely recommend it. In fact, why not go tomorrow? Brandon and myself have started a new weekly there called Out Of Vogue. I'm not going to waste any time trying to decribe the music, I think you should just go and trust me. If you wanted to eat, you should know that the kitchen closes at midnight. Te bar is open from 6-2. We start at 9.

Out Of Vogue
DJs Mario Orduno / Brandon Welchez
Tuesday Nights At Starlite

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Soft Focus With Ian Svenonious

Have any of you knuckle heads seen Soft Focus on VBS.TV? It's fucking great. It's Ian Svenonious' TV interview program. I don't need to say who he is, right? Ugh. Ian sang in Nation Of Ulysses, Cupid Car Club and The Make Up. Cool dude or whatever. Anyway, he's got great taste in music obviously, and interviews some his musical heroes, which happen to be some of mine. The UK version is is so fucking god damned cool. He interviews, Bobby Gillespie of Primal Scream, Mark E. Smith of The Fall, Kevin Shields of My Bloody Valentine, Graham Coxon of Blur, and couple of other fools. The American one is good too. SO I linked that ass below. Check it. And check all of Ian's bands if you haven't before. You really are a dip stick if you haven't, though. Let it be known. And if you don't know, now you know.

VIce Broadcasting System's Soft Focus UK

Saturday, March 1, 2008

The Punk Byrds, The American Smiths

Fuck, this footage is good. R.E.M. circa '85. German TV show Rockpalast. My favorite R.E.M. song of all time, Harborcoat from Reckoning, their best record. And guess what I bought yesterday, fuckface. Reckoning on cassette. To have a record in three formats is pretty stupid. Shit, maybe four, though, because I got it in ye olde iTunes as well.

I hope everybody understands it's ok to like R.E.M.. Most people think their gay right? Well, the shit rules. The perfect indie band. You'd be a serious pecker to think otherwise.

By the way, the show Rockpalast ruled. You should look it up. So many good bands played on it and the footage is always super good. I'm not linking you dog, I'm not in the mood.